英文莫名其妙

　　從《Advanced》上看來的，該期刊物時間已經有點久遠……廢話不多說，節錄〈English is a CRAZY Language〉如下。

• … people drive on a parkway and park in a driveway… (parkway 景觀高速公路；driveway 車道)
• … people play at a recital and recite at a play…(在獨奏會上演奏，在戲劇中朗誦)
• Why does night fall but never break and day break but never fall?
• … when we transport something by car, it's called a shipment, but when we transport something by ship, it's called cargo…
• Why do we pack suits in a garment bag and garments in a suitcase?(套裝放進西裝袋，衣物裝進行李箱)
• Why are people who ride motorcycles called bikers and people who ride bike called cyclists?
• Why… can your nose run and your feet smell?(run 流鼻涕；smell 腳有臭味)
  
  
• … call the third hand on the clock the second hand… (second hand 秒針)
• Why do they call them apartments whey they're all together?
• Why it is called a TV set when you get only one?
• Why is the word abbreviation so long?(不是「縮寫」嗎?)
• Why does monosyllabic have five syllables?(不是「單音節」?)
  
  
• If olive oil is made from olives, what do they make baby oil from?
• If a vegetarian eats vegetable, what does a humanitarian consume?
  (這兩句有點恐怖就不寫翻譯了……)
  
  
• A non-stop flight (直飛的班機). Never get on one of these. You'll never get down.(不停地飛行呀)
• It's neither here nor there (無關緊要). Then where is it? (不在這裡也不在那裡?)
• Watch your head (小心你的頭). I keep seeing this sign on low doorways, but I haven't figured out how to follow the instructions.(要怎麼看著你的頭?)
• Put your best foot forward (做最好的表現). Now let's see... We have a good foot and a better food ─ but we don't have a third ─ and best ─ foot.(最高級形容詞用於數目三個以上)
  
  
• … when the sun, moon or the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible…(星星出現；燈關起)
• … when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I shall end it?(手錶旋緊發條；短文做總結)
  

　　最後作者Richard Lederer以下面這句話做結："…language reflects the creative and fearful asymmetry of the human race, which, of course, isn't really a race at all."